How Do I Live Without You?
by DemonWitch
Summary: Oneshot. It had been two years since the whole family's life had changed forever. Two years since the house wasn't filled with screaming in the morning. Two years. Lizzie closed her eyes and tears ran down her face. Two years since Casey had died.
1. How Do I Live Without You?

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek

**A/N: Okay, this thing took me two days to write, and I'm still not sure I like how I ended it. Fair warning, I cried as I wrote it.**

"Talking"

"Thinking"

"**Flashbacks**"

* * *

The morning light shone through the window, announcing that the day was here. 

Lizzie groaned and rolled out of her bed. Time to get ready for school. She rummaged through her drawers for clean clothes, but stopped when her eyes caught sight of the calender hanging.

"It's today" she whispered.

Closing her drawers again, Lizzie climbed back into her bed, and pulled the covers up to her chin. She knew no one else would be getting out of bed, and that the house would remain silent for the whole day. Not even Marti would make a peep. She understood what day it was. It marked two years. Two years since the whole family's life had changed forever. Two years since the house wasn't filled with screaming in the morning. Two years.

Lizzie closed her eyes and tears ran down her face.

Two years since Casey had died.

* * *

George and Nora quietly moved around the kitchen making lunch. Both lost to their own thoughts. Even though today was a Monday, they had called into work, and the kids school, saying they would not be in that day. 

Nora paused and looked out at the living room table. Lizzie, Edwin and Marti were already sitting around it. Talking now and again in hushed tones.

"This isn't right George" Nora whispered. "How can we keep going on like this?"

George stopped and put his hands on his wife's shoulder, "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. But how can we let them grow up, like...well like zombies."

Nora put her hands to her face, "This isn't what Casey would want!" she cried.

The three children stopped and looked towards the kitchen at Nora's outburst. George gave them a weak smile and wrapped his arms around Nora, holding her close. But having no idea what to say.

* * *

Edwin and Lizzie slowly walked up the stairs. They had just finished cleaning up after lunch; both George and Nora had gone to the basement. After setting up Marti with a Disney moving they decided to work on their homework. 

As they past by Casey's room, Lizzie started to cry and Edwin put an arm around her, slowly leading her away. When they reached Lizzie room, Edwin heard a loud bang and turned towards his brother's room.

Another voice the family hadn't seen in almost two years. The day after Casey's funeral, Derek locked himself up in his room; refusing to come out. Nothing would get him out, not even a crying Marti; but on a rare occasion he would let the little girl in.

Edwin sat Lizzie on her bed and looked around the room. He saw a picture of Casey sitting on her desk, blowing out his breath he walked over and picked it up.

"I can't believe it's been two years already" he said softly as he turned to look at Lizzie.

Lizzie looked up, trying to hold her tears in, "I remember it like it as yesterday" she whispered...

**"D_EREK_!!!!" **

**Casey's familiar scream rang through the house early Monday morning.**

**Sticking his head out of his room, Derek smirked, "What's wrong Princess. Too much _paste_ in your toothpaste?" **

**Casey responded by throwing her toothbrush at his head, which missed and hit the wall. Sticking rather well.**

**"You are such a pig!"**

**Derek just chuckled and closed his door, "You flatter me so, dear sister."**

**Casey groaned in frustration and stormed past him, slamming her door behind her.**

**Derek started down the stairs but stopped when he saw Lizzie and Edwin sitting on it, whispering, "Now what are you up to?"**

**"Up to?" they answered in unison.**

**Derek's eyes narrowed, "That's what I said, isn't it?"**

**Lizzie laughed, "You're so paranoid Derek. We're just talking."**

**"And you thought the perfect place for that would be...here?"**

**Both nodded and Derek rolled his eyes, "Whatever. Just get out of my way."**

**Once he hit the bottom step he looked up, "Oh, and Lizzie. Tell Klutzilla that she better hurry. The car leaves in five minutes."**

**"Okay."**

**As soon as Derek shut the front door, both kids rolled their eyes. They knew what was REALLY going on. It was all just an act. Soon after the teens had turned 16, Edwin noticed a difference in their fighting. Sure the words were the same. But the tone was slightly different. So he mentioned it to Lizzie, who agreed that something was up. So they did what they did best.**

**'Observe.'**

**It took two weeks to piece it all together. **

**Once Edwin dropped his fork and as soon as he reached to grab it, he saw Casey and Derek quickly tuck their feet under their chairs. Another time Lizzie walked in one them hugging, which of course instantly Casey pushed him away yelling to stay away from her wallet. But the real proof was the night Edwin and Lizzie snuck down to the kitchen, to see Casey sitting on the counter, her hands tangled in Derek's hair, and Derek's hand all over her body. Even in the dark the two could see they were making out.**

**Lizzie wanted to confront them, but Edwin said it was a bad idea.**

**"When they want to tell us, they'll tell us."**

Edwin sat next to Lizzie on the bed and she put her head on his shoulder, "They never got the chance to tell us" she whispered.

* * *

Derek looked over at his clock but frowned when he didn't see it. Looking over the side of his bed he saw it laying on the floor, the red numbers showing it was 1:30 in the afternoon. 

With a sigh he rolled to his other side. Today was the day. The day he lost everything the meant something to him. The day she slipped from his fingers.

He choked back a sob.

The day she died.

** As soon as they were out of sight of the house, Derek pulled the car to the side of the road, put it in park and before Casey could ask him what he was doing he captured her lips in a kiss.**

**A few moments later he pulled back and Casey smiled at him "Hey Derek" she said softly."**

**"Hmm?"**

**"You owe me a new toothbrush."**

**Derek chuckled, "Whatever you say Princess."**

**Before, that name had been a mockery of her. Now it said what she was to him. She was his Princess.**

**Derek leaned back into his seat, looked down the street to make sure there were no cars then pulled back out.**

**Casey snuggled up against him and laid her head on his shoulder, "So where are we going?"**

**"It's a surprise."**

Derek jerked awake at the sound of someone pounding on his door.

"What?!" he snapped.

"The kids made lunch" his father's voice came through the door, "Are you hungry?"

Derek sighed and sat up in his bed, "No."

"Derek" George said softly, "You've gotta ea-"

"I said no! Now leave me alone!"

Derek closed his eyes and put his hands to his face. He heard George put something outside his door and walk away.

Even though his stomach growled, he couldn't move. Not today.

**"Oh Derek! You remembered!"**

**Derek smiled at Casey's excitement. They were standing at the old park, right behind the water fountain. Where they had their first kiss.**

**"Well, I figure 1 year is a good thing to celebrate so I-"**

**Casey cut him off by crashing her lips against his. She pulled away, slightly breathless, "This is perfect" she whispered.**

**"Thank you."**

**Derek half shrugged, "Anything for you."**

**Casey smiled and Derek leaned in to kiss her again.**

**Derek lead her to the blanket, "I have something for you"**

**Casey wiggled in excitement, "And what would that be?"**

**Derek pulled a box out of his pocket and Casey's eyes widened, "Derek" she breathed.**

**"I love you Casey" he stated.**

**Casey 's eyes filled with tears. It was the first time he'd ever told her he loved her.**

**Derek opened the box to show a beautiful diamond ring, "This is a promise ring. ****Graduation is still a year away and y****ou told me a long time ago you didn't want to get married in or right after high school. And neither do I."**

**Casey smiled through her tears.**

**"But I _do_ want to marry you Casey McDonald. You mean the world to me, and I don't know how I could live without you. So I'm asking you to take this promise ring as a reminder that one day we will get married; when we're ready."**

**Derek took a deep breath, "Casey McDonald...will you marry me?"**

Derek banged his head back against his headboard. Trying to keep the tears from falling.

**Derek and Casey lay on their backs looking up at the stars. They had just made love for the first time and it was more amazing then either one of them could ever imagine.**

**Casey rolled to her side and put her chin on her lover's chest, "When are we going to tell everyone?"**

**Derek sighed and brushed a hand over her hair, "I'm still a little nervous about it" he admitted, "But if you want, we'll tell Dad, Nora and the rest of the family when we get home."**

**Casey grinned and looked down at her left hand, the ring sparking in the moon light, "I would love that."**

Derek hugged himself and paced his room. The memories were painful, but at the same time he lived on them. He went over them everyday, trying to keep some some part of her alive. The only part he hated was the ending. It was always the same, no matter how much he wished it to be different.

**As they drove back home Casey was singing softly to the music and once in a while Derek would join in with her. It was "their" song as Casey put it. When You Say Nothing At All. As they neared the exit Derek glanced over at Casey and smiled. She smiled back then her face turned to a look of horror and she screamed, "DEREK!!!!!!!"**

Derek let out an agonizing scream and dropped to his knees. His sobs shaking his body.

* * *

Nora looked up from her book at the sound of Derek's scream and her heart ached. It wasn't the first time they'd head that. It happened every few month. The first time George rushed up the stairs but just got yelled at to go away. Soon they all just let him be. 

Nora turned back to her book but she couldn't concentrate. Her thoughts were still on her oldest step child. He only ate when someone took food to his door, and even then sometime it was left till it spoiled. She knew he came out at night to use the bathroom. But if someone tried to talk to him, he would stay locked up till they went away. Soon everyone stopped trying. Except for Marti. As hurt as the little girl was being ignored by her Smerk, her big heart wouldn't let her stay mad at him.

Looking back at her book, she saw the pages had wet drops on them. Putting a hand to her face, Nora realized she had been crying without knowing it. Picking up her bookmark she stared at the frozen face of her 17 year old daughter. Nora held the picture to her heart and closed her eyes. Remembering exactly what had happened that night.

**Nora and George rushed through the door and the ER and over to the desk, "We're Casey's McDonald's parents" Nora said breathlessly, "What room is she in?"**

**The nurse looked through her computer, "Miss McDonald is still in surgery."**

**"Surgery?!" Nora gasped**

**"What about the boy who was with her? Derek Venturi?"**

**"Your relation?"**

**"Father!" George snapped "I'm his father."**

**The nurse frowned at his tone of voice but looked through the computer, "Room 327."**

**Nora and George went through the doors, both praying their children would be okay.**

**George opened the door to 327 "Derek?"**

**Nora followed him inside and gasped softly at the sight before her. Derek's head was wrapped up, as well as his right arm. Two nurses were trying to calm him and get him to settled down but he fought with them yelling for Casey. **

**"Where is she!? Where is Casey?"**

**"Derek" George spoke as he moved to his son's side.**

**Derek stopped struggling and his eyes widened "Dad?"**

**George gently pushed past the nurses, "Leave us alone with our son please."**

**The nurses exchanged glances then one nodded, "But call us if he starts acting up again."**

**Nora smiled slightly as they walked by her then moved to Derek's other side.**

**"What happened Derek?" she asked softly.**

**Suddenly Derek burst into tears, "I so sorry!" he sobbed.**

**George's eyes widened in shock as his son cried. Nora put her arms around him and he held to her like his life depended on it.**

**"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!" **

**George felt his own eyes water at the sound of his son's heart breaking cries.**

"Nora?"

Nora jumped slightly and turned to see her husband standing beside her, worry on his face, "Are you alright?"

Nora smiled sadly, "Just remembering."

George sat next to her and held her in his arms, "Me too" he murmured.

**After about a hour of crying Derek finally fell asleep. George waited by his side while Nora went in search of someone who could tell her about her daughter.**

**"George?"**

**George looked towards the door to see Nora standing there, "Their done with the surgery."**

**George quickly followed her out to hallway where a doctor was waiting. The look on his face made George's heart drop.**

**"Are you Casey's McDonald's father?"**

**George nodded.**

**"I'm very sorry to tell you this. But your daughter didn't make it."**

**Nora gasped and leaned back against George, "What?"**

**"There were too many complications. She had massive internal bleeding and there was some sever brain damage as well. There was nothing we could do."**

**"NO!"**

* * *

**Derek groaned slightly and opened his eyes. Looking around the room he realized he was in the hospital.**

**"_It wasn't a dream. Casey_!" **

**He shot straight up in bed then winced as pain shot through his ribs. He heard voices out in the hallway and strained to listen,**

**"I'm...sorry to...this."**

** Derek jumped out of his bed, ignoring the searing pain in his head, ribs and the feeling of the IV ripping out of his skin. Walking slowly over to the door he reached the hallways just as the doctor finished speaking.**

**"...and there was some sever brain damage as well. There was nothing we could do."**

**Derek felt his heart shatter, "NO!"**

**George and Nora whipped around, "What are you doing out of bed?" George cried.**

**"Casey" Derek whispered, "Where is Casey?"**

**Nora started to cry harder and George reached out for his son, "Derek, she didn't-"**

**"NO!" Derek screamed "You're lying!"**

**Suddenly he took off running down the hallway, with George and Nora calling after him.**

**The doctor reach for a nearby phone, "Security to the 3rd floor. Security to the 3rd floor. We have an injured patient running hallways." **

**George lead Nora to a nearby chair and held her tightly, no knowing quite what to day. He was still in shock from the news.**

**"Mr.Venturi?" **

** George looked to the doctor, "Yes?"**

**"Your sons needs bed rest. He was injured badly as well. Too much movement could cause his stitches to rip open.**"

**George sighed deeply, "I see."**

* * *

Derek sighed and looked at himself in the mirror. It was the face of a 19 boy, but the eyes held the sorrow of a 60 year old man. Pulling off his shirt, Derek wrinkled his nose at the smell. It had been almost two months since he had last taken a shower, and as much as he hated to move; he just couldn't stand the smell anymore. 

"_Casey always like how I looked and smelled after a shower anyways_" he thought as he turned the water on and got in, "_This should make her happy_."

As he washed his body he winced slightly as he fingers brushed over the scars running up his side. It had been two years and they still hurt. Wither in his mind or for real, Derek didn't care. It was just another reminder of that night. Another thing he could never rid himself of.

**Derek winced and put a hand to his side, and was surprised to find his gown wet. Looking down, he realized he was bleeding, "_Must have torn some stitches out_." **

**But he refused to give up. He had to see her. His Princess. His Casey. His Love.**

**Holding onto the wall for support, Derek continued his way down the hall.**

**Finally he came to a set of double swinging doors. Looking in he saw a few nurses in there, and there was a body laying on the table with a sheet covering the head.**

**He couldn't believe what the doctor had said was true so he started to move away when a glimmer caught his eyes.**

**There was a diamond ring still on the fourth finger on the body.**

**Derek choked back a sob, "No."**

**Pushing the doors open Derek stumbled in "Casey" he whispered.**

**One of the nurses turned around, "Hey you're not supposed to be in here."**

**Derek ignored her and kept walking towards the body, his blood now dripping on the floor.**

**"Oh my god he's bleeding! Call a doctor!"**

**The first nurse ran to the phone while the second one went to Derek's side, "Sir, you need to sit down."**

**"No" Derek growled and took his arm out of her grasp, "I have...to...see her. My Casey."**

**The nurse looked up at the body, "Oh honey I'm so sorry. But she's..." her voice trailed off.**

**Derek finally reached the table and ripped off the sheet.**

**A anguished cry left his lips and his whole body trembled , "No. No. No. No!"**

Later that night Derek sat on his bed, holding his guitar. He stilled played it from time to time, but it had been month since he last did. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes, and stuck a few chords. He could almost see Casey's smile, hear her laugh when he played. Which is why he still did it. 

A soft knock at the door brought Derek out of his thoughts. Frowning he growled, "Who is it?"

"It's me Smerek."

Derek's face softened slightly and he moved to open the door. 9 year old Marti stood there with hot chocolate in her hands and a smile on her face, "I thought you might like some" she said softly.

Derek nodded stepped back so she could come into the room. Making herself at home on Derek's bed, Marti looked over to his guitar, "You should write a song Smerek."

Derek raised an eyebrow, "A song?"

Marti nodded, "Yep."

About 10 minutes later Derek gave Marti a hug and sent her off to bed. After he locked his door again, he went to his desk and pulled out some paper. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.

**Derek ran his hands over her face, her cold lifeless face.**

**"Casey wake up! Please baby, I need you. Please don't leave me!"**

**The security guards came through the door, "Mr. Venturi you need-"**

**The nurse held up a hand, "Let the boy be" she whispered.**

**Derek climbed up on the table with her and held her head in his lap, "I'm so sorry" he cried. **

**He rocked back and forth sobbing, "Oh Princess what have I done? I'm so sorry."**

**The nurse put her hand to her mouth, trying to hold back her own sobs. **

**"Derek?" George stood beside the guards, "Let her go son."**

**"NO!" Derek screamed.**

**He brushed her bangs out of her closed eyes and pressed his lips to her forehead, "She wouldn't leave me. She promised."**

**George took once glance down at Casey's left hand, and it all made sense.**

**George took a deep breath, his own eyes filling with tears, "I'm so sorry son" he said horsely.**

**Derek just shook his head and scooted down till he was laying right beside her, he continued to stroke her hair and softly whispering, "It's amazing how...you can speak right to my heart..."**

**Even the guards now had tears in their eyes **

**"The smile on your face lets me know that you need me. There a truth in your eyes saying..." Derek broke down and buried his face in Casey's neck.**

Derek sat up with a start. Looking around he realized he had fallen asleep at his desk. Rubbing his eyes he stretched and walked over to his bed. His guitar still lay in the middle. Right next to her picture. Picking up his remote he turned the stereo on and then sat next to his bed.

"It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart. Without saying a word, you can light up the dark."

Derek buried his face in his arms and just like everyday for the past two years. Derek Venturi cried.

* * *

Lizzie rolled over in her bed, listening to the soft music coming from Derek's room. The day had been hard for everyone. But Lizzie knew it was harder on Derek. 

He blamed himself.

**Derek stared out the window as George drove him home from the hospital. It had been a little over a week since the accident and Derek had yet to speak to anyone. After passing out from the loss of blood, Derek was rushed into surgery again. When he woke up, he again screamed for Casey and demanded to see her. When it finally sank in that she was dead, Derek shut down.**

**Once they reached the house, Derek slowly followed George inside, still limping slightly.**

**The three younger children rushed forward to hug him but stopped when they saw his cold eyes.**

**"Derek" George begun softly, "I know this is hard for you son." **

**Derek glanced up at George, then looked back at the floor.**

**"But this is hard on all of us. We all loved-"**

**"Yes you did" Derek sneered, "But you weren't the one that _killed_ her!" **

**With that he ran up the stairs and slammed his door. Lizzie and Edwin looked shocked and Marti burst into tears.**

Lizzie wiped the tears out of her eyes. The funeral had been a few days later, and as soon as they got home Derek locked himself in his room. But this time he didn't come out.

* * *

The next day after Lizzie and Edwin got home, the later went up to his room to do homework and the former went to the kitchen. Finally finding what she was looking for, Lizzie climbed the stairs and paused at Derek's door. Finally she lifted her hand and knocked, 

"What?"

"I have something for you Derek."

"Go away."

"It's peanut butter and strawberry ice cream. I know it's yours and C-"

"I said go away!"

Lizzie took a deep breath to keep the tears in, "Fine! Be that way. I'm sure Casey's so proud of you!"

Dropping the food at his door, Lizzie ran to her room and slammed the door.

* * *

Lizzie heard Derek's door open and close a few minutes later. Gathering up her courage again she went out into the hallway and knocked on his door. She heard his guitar stop and him walk across the floor. A few seconds later he opened the door, and Lizzie almost gasped at the sight of him. His hair was now way past his shoulders, and he had a bit of facial hair. 

"Derek" Lizzie whispered.

Derek sighed deeply, "Just...leave me alone Lizzie...Please."

He shut the door and left Lizzie standing all alone.

* * *

Later that night Derek tossed and turned in his bed, his nightmare always the same. 

"No!" he sat up, sweat running down his chest and back.

"Derek" a voice whispered.

Derek gasped slightly, knowing who that voice belong to, "Casey?"

"Over here silly"

Derek looked over to see Casey sitting in his computer chair a light glow around her.

"It really is you" he breathed.

Casey smiled and shook her head, "No Derek. I'm only here in your mind."

"Why are you here?"

"Because you need forgiveness."

Derek looked away, "I don't deserve your forgiveness" he said bitterly.

"Not mine. Your own."

Derek looked up in surprise and Casey smiled, "Derek, you know me better then anyone. And you should know I would never blame you for this."

"I killed you" he whispered.

"No" Casey shook her head, "That's not true. It was an accident Derek. I know that. What you need to do is forgive yourself."

A tear ran down Derek's cheek, "I don't know if I can do that."

Casey walked over and pressed her hand to his cheek, wiping away the tear, "Don't die with me Derek" she whispered, "I want you to live _for_ me."

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, "I love you."

Derek's eyes shot open and he put a hand to his lips.

"I love you too Casey."

* * *

Saturday morning the whole family was gathered around the table eating breakfast. There were all talking amongst themselves so they didn't notice Derek's door opening or him coming down the stairs. It wasn't till he was standing next to the table the someone saw him. And it was Marti who exclaimed "SMEREK!"

She ran from her spot and leaped into his arms. Derek held her close and closed his eyes. Maybe Casey was right. If he couldn't live with her, then maybe, he'd live _for_ her.

Lizzie suddenly appeared from the kitchen with an extra plate and handed to her older step-brother with a smile, "Welcome back" she whispered.

Derek slowly smiled back and took the plate from her. He said nothing but his eyes said everything. Derek looked at his father who smiled and indicated to Derek's old seat, "Take a seat son, before breakfast gets cold."

Derek sat down and Nora started serving him everything on the table.

Glancing into the kitchen, Derek saw Casey sitting on the counter, a big smile on her face.

And Derek couldn't help, but smile back.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so the hopeless romantic in me couldn't help but have a somewhat "happy" ending. Sad ain't it? Not too sure I like how it ended. I might change it. Let me know what you think and I decided for sure. Please Review.**


	2. Alternate Ending

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek.

A/N: Just an alternate ending

* * *

The next day after Lizzie and Edwin got home, the later went up to his room to do homework and the former went to the kitchen. Finally finding what she was looking for, Lizzie climbed the stairs and paused at Derek's door. Finally she lifted her hand and knocked, 

"What?"

"I have something for you Derek."

"Go away."

"It's peanut butter and strawberry ice cream. I know it's yours and C-"

"I said go away!"

Lizzie took a deep breath to keep the tears in, "Fine! Be that way. I'm sure Casey's so proud of you!"

Dropping the food at his door, Lizzie ran to her room and slammed the door.

Lizzie heard Derek's door open and close a few minutes later. Gathering up her courage again she went out into the hallway and knocked on his door. She heard his guitar stop and him walk across the floor. A few seconds later he opened the door, and Lizzie almost gasped at the sight of him. His hair was now way past his shoulders, and he had a bit of facial hair.

"Derek" Lizzie whispered.

Derek sighed deeply, "Just...leave me alone Lizzie...Please."

He shut the door and left Lizzie standing all alone.

* * *

Marti had gone to her mother's for the weekend so it was just Nora, Edwin and Lizzie sitting at the living room table. They were waiting for George to come back upstairs for dinner. 

Edwin eyed the food, "It looks good Nora" he said softly.

Nora smiled, "Why thank you Edwin."

She looked up when she heard George coming through the kitchen, "There you are. Dinner…." Her voice trailed off when she saw his face, "What's wrong?"

"My gun is gone" he said through tight lips.

Nora's face turned pale "Derek!" she gasped.

Both she and George raced up the stairs. Edwin and Lizzie reached across the table to hold each other's hand.

A shot sounded through the house.

And then it was silent.

* * *

The morning light shone through the trees, and reflected off the river.

And man and a woman stood side by side, hand in hand.

"I can't believe it's been so long" she murmured.

Edwin Venturi looked over at his step-sister, "I know what you mean."

Lizzie Gordan crouched down and placed her flowers on the two graves. Tears rolled down her face and she choked back a sob.

"It's today you know" she whispered. "He died with her. Those two years…he never really..." she trailed off as sobs shook her body

Helping her back to her feet, Edwin held her close, "I know."

After a few minutes Edwin put an arm around her shoulder and led her back to the car where their families were waiting.

They knew today would be a silent day; like it had been for the past 15 years. Not even the youngest children would make a peep. They understood what day it was. It marked 17 years. 17 years since the whole family's life had changed forever. 17 years since the house wasn't filled with screaming in the morning. 17 years.

Lizzie and Edwin climbed into the car and shut the door.

17 years since Casey and Derek had died.

* * *

**A/N: So here's an different ending. A lot sadder. Just bored and it came to me. **


	3. Alternate Ending2

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek

**A/N: I'm sure you don't really want to see ANOTHER ending to this story lol. But I make this specially for JennyKim319.**

* * *

The next day after Lizzie and Edwin got home, the later went up to his room to do homework and the former went to the kitchen. Finally finding what she was looking for, Lizzie climbed the stairs and paused at Derek's door. Finally she lifted her hand and knocked, 

"What?"

"I have something for you Derek."

"Go away."

"It's peanut butter and strawberry ice cream. I know it's yours and C-"

"I said go away!"

Lizzie took a deep breath to keep the tears in, "Fine! Be that way. I'm sure Casey's so proud of you!"

Dropping the food at his door, Lizzie ran to her room and slammed the door.

* * *

Lizzie heard Derek's door open and close a few minutes later. Gathering up her courage again she went out into the hallway and knocked on his door. She heard his guitar stop and him walk across the floor. A few seconds later he opened the door, and Lizzie almost gasped at the sight of him. His hair was now way past his shoulders, and he had a bit of facial hair. 

"Derek" Lizzie whispered.

Derek sighed deeply, "Just...leave me alone Lizzie...Please."

He shut the door and left Lizzie standing all alone.

Lizzie lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Derek's words playing over and over again in her head.

"Just leave me alone Lizzie."

* * *

Lizzie rolled over to her side, hot tears running down her face. It was so unfair. He acted like he was the only one who lost Casey. Like he was the only one who was hurting. 

Lizzie choked back a sob. She was hurting too. More then anyone thought. Even Edwin didn't understand the thoughts that went through her head.

No matter what anyone said, or did. Lizzie felt herself falling father and father. A downward spiral that just wouldn't stop. When it first happened, she thought she would have Derek to helpt her through it. She never told anyone, but she looked up to him, and even loved her big brother. But he was never there. And now...

Slowly Lizzie pushed herself off her bed and opened her door.

The pain just wasn't worth it anymore.

* * *

It was nearly 3 in the morning when Derek opened his door. He looked out into the hallway to make sure it was clear before quitely making his way to the bathroom. 

Swining the door open, he gasped and his face paled.

Lizzie lay on the floor, laying in a pool of blood.

"N_O!!!_"

* * *

Edwin jerked awake at the sound of Derek's scream. Knowing Derek never made a sound at night, Edwin quickly jumped out of his bed and hurried down the downstaris attic. 

"Derek?" Edwin called "Are you okay?"

As he pased Lizzie room, Edwin was surprised to see she wasn't in there.

"_What the hell is going on_?"

Edwin looked towards the bathroom and saw Derek sitting on the floor.

"Derek?"

Edwin stopped short when he saw what laying in Derek's arms. Lizzie's, covered in blood and her face grey.

Derek was holding her and rocking back and forth, sobbing like a child.

"Wha-wha-..." Edwin couldn't seem to catch his breath.

Derek looked over his shoulder, his eyes bloodshot "Go call 911."

When Edwin didn't move, Derek shouted, "NOW!"

Edwin jumped then ran down the staris; screaming for George and Nora.

Derek buried his face in Lizzie's hair.

"I'm so sorry Lizzie" he whispered, "Oh God I am so sorry."

* * *

Derek stood next to two graves. Two yellow roses in his hand. 

The yellow ones were their favorite.

A tear made it's way down his cheek.

He had killed them both.

Two of the most amazing women he had ever known, and grown to love. And he killed them.

Edwin came up and stood next to his brother, "Derek?"

Derek nodded his head slightly, to show he was listening.

"Are you..." Edwin took a deep breath, his eyes red, "Are you going to be okay?"

Derek crouched down and gently placed a rose on each grave. Straightening he turned to look at Edwin. His eyes dead.

"No"

* * *

**A/N: There you go JennyKim319. I hope that's what you were wanting :) **


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